he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just high enough for therapy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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