Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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