Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
