Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
