hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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