she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What a dumb baby whore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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