no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
