he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
