Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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