That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk is not a location!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
