Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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