idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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