At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
