How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
