i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
