ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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