You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize