I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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