I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
