so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Houston, we have a blender
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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