When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize