just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
