what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
