Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
