Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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