Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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