home. puking in laundry basket.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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