WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
