Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
