I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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