dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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