I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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