We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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