too bad you live with your parents still
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
