Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
