I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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