I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
