I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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