I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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