I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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