i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my being single is dangerous.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
