dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
