I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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