bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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