I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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