What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
