Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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