Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
