6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
