I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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