Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize