i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
