you win again, gameday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
