i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
