Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
