Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
