i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
