I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Who died my cat blue again?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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