Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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