I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently you make a good broom.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
