I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
