dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize