weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
