My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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