Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
