i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize