One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
