His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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